Walter Foods

253 Grand st.
Brooklyn, NY
718.387.8783

Williamsburg has only a few good restaurants, so when new ones open up, I am quick to check them out. I had walked by Walter Foods a few times before I went in to eat, and was intrigued when I spotted Lobster all over the menu.
Walter Foods, a collaboration by Balthazar bartender Danny Minch and Barrio Chino owner Dylan Dodd, opened it's doors a few months back with Chef Justin Ernsberger (Clinton Street Baking Company and Aqua Grill) behind the Seafood forward menu. I could tell the hipster's would be psyched to have a raw bar in the hood.
However, Walter Foods is a mirage, a poor mans Balthazar, with a deceptive and flashy menu.
They did a fabulous job on the space's design, I'll give them that, with large paned glass windows a la French Brasserie, padded boothes, a classic wooden bar with matching stools, beautiful shellacked cream colored walls, and rustic wooden finishes. I liked the attention to detail, and although the servers wore bow ties, a little silly, I found it added to the charm of the place.
After settling in I noticed their Classic Cocktail list, woo hoo!, with offerings for Gin, Whiskey, Tequila and Rum drinkers. I tried a Fig Side Car, with aged rum, fig syrup and Lemonade. I don't know what I was thinking. This drink was so imbalanced and full of sugar that it made my heart race.
Onto the food. Not in the mood for the full raw bar, I figured I couldn't go wrong with an Oyster Shooter. It came out in a rocks glass filled to the top with luke warm, watery and weak bloody mary mix. The Oyster was nowhere to be found. Once the error was identified and the shooter returned to my table, the oyster was skewered on a tooth pick and hanging off the side of the glass. Disgusting.
Next were the Onion Rings, greasy and over battered, hiding the flavour of the onions.
I had to try the touted Lobster, so I took it easy with the Poached Lobster Salad. Oh dear, this baby cost $21 and came out in a teeny tiny bowl with mostly lettuce and a few sorry looking shreds of lobster over the top. "I'm hungry and we're in a recession!" I was so insulted I sent it back.
My date had the Lobster Club Sandwich, with bacon, avocado and tomato. $24 and all bread.
We just kept striking out.
Keith McNally would slap these young guns up side the head if he saw what was going down in there. It's unfortunate that the demographic will be satisfied with eating greasy sandwiches and measly portions of surf and turf, but eventually they'll get tired of paying McNally prices for diner quality food.

I give Walter Foods no's
Blazeability: it's Williamsburg, you're safe.

Txikito

240 Ninth Avenue
New York, NY
212.242.4730


You won't just run into Txikito, but if you look too hard, it'll hide right under your nose. Located on 9th avenue and 24th st., a block from the projects (no worries about blazing up here), this super tiny 28 seat humble Basque conquest is located in the no-man's-land of Chelsea. It took me about ten minutes scrolling through Google on my phone before I realized that I was standing right in front of it.
Txikito, which means "little" in Basque, opened in November of 2008 by uber driven couple Alexandra Raij (formerly of Tio Pole and El Quinto Pino) and Eder Montero. Based on the couple's reputation and the intrigue of Basque food, I was hyped to try it out.
The decor; simple and cheap, with rustic barn wood covering the walls and ceiling, invokes the feeling of a mess hall in a ship, with round metal lighting fixtures dotting the walls. The bar, located at the front is also txikito, and modest, serving a hand full of wines and two beers on tap.
So far, I like the steez, laid back and no fuss, but once I saw the prices for the portions, I realized this place is anything but modest.
Kroketas, two crispy creamy croquettes the size of my thumb; $5
Txiki Txanpi, basically a grilled cheese, shrimp and mushroom sandwich, albeit mad good, but the size of a cocktail napkin; $8
Txangurro, a grab meat gratin that filled a small casuela only a few centimeters; $15
Txipiron "Encebollado", squid ribbons, about the same portion as the gratin; $15
The food was interesting and I was surprised by a few of the flavor combinations, but over all, I felt like I was being robbed, the food was just too simple and served in portions way too small to be charging these prices. I left hungry and bewildered.

I give Txikito out of
Blazeability:

La Superior

295 Berry st.
Brooklyn, NY
718.388.5988



On Berry st. in south Williamsburg there is a tan and red brick building with one door, one window, and the hand painted name La Superior, a shout out to the late popular Mexican beer. This is the first indication that this restaurant is not only Mexican and hard-core, it's also street.
The food falls right into that category. Crispy Golden Flautas, Chorizo Gorditas, all kinds of tacos, (the spicy shrimp being my favorite), street style quesadillas, and cactus salad! Which is so good for you and rarely ever seen.
This tiny restaurant is already a hit with lines out the door on weekends. They don't serve any alcohol yet, and there is no telling what the situation is with their liquor licence since they have started the process so late in the game.
South Williamsburg is a great place to smoke, but stay on the west side of Berry st. down towards the water. If you go out early enough you can hit up the park at the end of Grand st. and watch the sun disappear behind Manhattan.

I give La Superior:
out of 's

Blazeability:

Il Bucco

47 Bond st.
New York, NY
212.533.1932


This rustic Italian Restaurant on Bond st. has been around forever. Formerly an antique furniture shop that morphed into full service through meals prepared for clients, it's owner Donna Lennard has maintained the funky feel with mixed wood tables and so many pots, pans and lamps hanging from the ceiling, one feels compelled with wandering eyes as if in a planetarium.
The lighting falls softly from many different sources, and the candle light is easy on the eyes if you are blazed. And you should be, because although Bond st. is under heavy development, there is still almost no foot traffic. It's interesting to light up across from Ian Schrager's Monolith, 40 Bond and think about Ricky Martin brushing his teeth or singing into the mirror somewhere up in there. There's also a modeling agency in the building to the east, where I have spotted girls posing in nothing but their underwear, I mean, if you like that kind of thing. Real bony and tall.
The food at Il Bucco never misses. With the menu constantly changing, diners are entertained with a variety of meats, fish and produce, (which is bought from listed organic sources) though the chef Ignacio Mattos seems to favour cheeses, cured meats and fish.
Il Bucco also uses reverse-osmosis to purify their tap water, doing away with the waste of bottled water.
The wine list is incredible and the server's knowledgeable and nice.
It's also not a bad place to see celebrities, again, if you like that kind of thing. The coolest one that frequents though is Chuck Close.


I give Il Bucco:
out of 's
Blazeability:

Double Crown

316 Bowery

New York NY 10012

212.254.0350

Everyone has been stoked about the new AvroKO joint that just opened in the old Manahatta space on Bowery and Bleecker.

Of course the design is solid, with a big beautiful bar, community seating, private dining and cumfy boothes. The place is beautiful, with touches that say "British Colonial" like the interconnected pulley fan system, and the room in the back with one colossal mirror and white shellacked engraved wood covering the walls.

I did not venture into the adjacent connecting bar Madam Geneva, titled so after the original name for a Gin and Tonic in the British Empire. But I will.

Chef Brad Farmerie's concept of the cuisine of Britain and it's influences from colonies in eastern countries, like India and China, fell flat on the plate and in my mouth. Dressed up Prawns lacking flavor, duck steamed buns all bun no duck, soggy mackerel salad with no taste texture despite the shaved fennel and a handful of other unidentifiable ingredients, yellow fin tuna over soggy greens and an oily tomato horseradish compote? Ugh. The bangers and mash were good, as well as the black tea ice cream on the banana dessert, maybe because they actually followed the cuisine's mission statement.

What is it with New Yorker's and Fusion? Do they really want it? Are they so bored that they will spend money on food like this just because someone tells them to? I guess so.

I give Double Crown no's specifically for the food.

Blazeability: I didn't smoke that night, but maybe I would have enjoyed the experience if under the influence.

Philippe

33 East 60th st.

New York NY

212.644.8885

It was early on a Friday night and I had fancied myself up to go to Philippe, an upscale Chinese restaurant in Midtown. Headed by Philippe Chow (who worked at Mr. Chow for 25 years!) the place is small and narrow, with a dining room scooped out a half level below the entrance, another dining room a floor above, and a small room in the rear. 33 E. 60th st. has had trouble over the years with numerous restaurants opening and closing, and you can see why with the space being so limited and dark. The atmosphere isn't horrible, mostly a grey and white palate with red accents in the napkins, you get an upscale and stodgy feeling. Everyone is extremely professional, the waiters bustle around in white jackets and take what they are doing seriously and the clientele sit around going through the Friday night motions, which adds to the stodge.

I was glad I spruced up with a slinky black dress and heels because the crowd was so upper east, I felt like my appearance blended in, which makes me feel more comfortable when I "dine".

The food was spectacular. Because Philippe borders on upscale commercial Chinese food, one must keep in mind that sugar is really thrown around in the kitchen. I accepted this fact and chowed down.

Crunchy Duck salad: lightly dressed, chilled greens which balanced out the tender fried duck perfectly.

Crab meat soup dumplings: so much cleaner and tastier than ones I've had in Chinatown.

Fried rice: good, but better when I poured duck sauce all over it.

Peking Duck: huge, cut table side and the best duck I have had in the city. The order comes with house made crepes that are paper thin, as well as a garnish and duck sauce. I just didn't stop eating.

Philippe is a restaurant that I will go back to, not for the design, not for the service, not for the scene, because I usually detest places like Philippe, but simply for the food. Bravo.

*Smoke at home, or during cocktails downtown, you'll be thankful you're blazed at Philippe.

I give Philippe: out of

Blazeability:

Apotheke

9 Doyers st.

New York NY 10013

212.406.0400

Apotheke is a destination bar in Chinatown in it's final stages of sneak preview prep for NYC's need-to-knows. Boasting a cocktail list of 250 drinks organized by Albert Trummer, the new lounge is located on Doyers st. off Bowery. The space was formerly a dumpling house, and even further back, a famous opium den. The building, as well as the neighborhood, has extreme character.

I didn't puff that night because I knew I would be sampling many cocktails. But for future visits I would not be afraid to light up in Chinatown, especially on a street so small and absent of foot traffic as Doyers.

Walking through the front door of Apotheke, which has no marking's indicating a lounge, one feels like they are passing through a secret doorway. But what one see's once through the doorway completely shatters the illusion.

The space is small and slightly multi leveled as the back curves to the right and the floor slopes up into another space. The bar is made of a beautiful Onyx Carreras about an inch thick spreading across the back of the lounge. However I noticed when leaning over to peer at the antique apothecary accoutrements, there were multiple cracks between the slabs of Onyx that still needed to be sealed. And quick, because underneath lay rows of track lighting illuminating the bar from the inside, and if any liquid happened to drip down and...well I think you get the point.

I turned my attention to the rest of the decor, and became confused. The bar was strait forward: Made to look like an Apothecary, yet there were bed like couches spread out, tacky curtains with big fake jewels hanging from the ceiling, tile patterns everywhere, un-hemmed material draped overhead to the right of the bar, and dance music, the kind you would hear at a B list club in San Tropez. I understood the attempt to merge the principles of an apothecary and how they correlate with Mixology, with the vibe of a New York speakeasy. But I was sitting in a potential euro trash dive. Would New Yorker's venture out of their respective neighborhoods to try Apotheke? I say no.

In spite of boasting a cocktail list of 250 drinks, the ones I was given to try were all very similar: Cava or champagne based with fruit and in house pressed cane sugar (an idea I appreciate, it's so much better to have natural sugar). But they were all too sweet! I ventured to request a rye whiskey drink. I couldn't hear what the cocktail waitress said was in the drink when she handed it to me, but it was delicious despite the sugar still being to strong.

I think a bartender's personality heavily influences his drinks, and Trummer's concoctions let you know he spent seven years under the rigors of Bouley. So really the big question is can a cocktail offering that has all of the frivolities of the South Beach scene draw the crowds in a speakeasy setting in the heart of a not yet gentrified Chinatown? Time will tell.

I give Apotheke: no 's.

Blazeability: